


Hesitate

by longliveyourbeauty



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, F/M, Inspired by The Vampire Diaries, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26293792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longliveyourbeauty/pseuds/longliveyourbeauty
Summary: Elena Gilbert moves away from Mystic Falls after she loses her parents in a tragic accident as a kid. After six years she returns to her former home with her own demons and meets a boy with a tragic past Damon Salvatore who spins her whole world around.
Relationships: Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore





	1. Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> AU - No Vampires, Elena is fifteen and Jeremy is older in this he's seventeen. Stefan is fifteen and Damon is seventeen.

Elena's POV 

Dear diary, It was the last few days of summer before freshman year when my uncle John decided to move us back into the town I lost both my parents. My parents died in a car crash when I was nine years old and my brother was eleven. I was in the car with them but I managed to get out and I got really lucky. I don't even remember the crash. My brother Jeremy and I were forced to move to New York and we've been there ever since until now. I was so nervous to be back in a town with people I don't know anymore. Jeremy stayed in contact with a lot of his friends and was excited to come back. I was too young to really communicate with other kids long distance. It's hard to think about that in a few years I will have spent more years alive without my parents than with. I missed the way my mom would brush my hair when I was sick and the way my dad would encourage me to be anything I wanted to be. He use to tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the world because I was the best parts of my mom and him. It always made me feel better. I don't have many memories of them due to the crash which really hurts, forgetting parts of my past. My aunt Jenna visits us whenever she can and shares so many stories to keep the memory of my mom and dad alive. It's really nice and I know it's so hard on her, losing her big sister. Uncle John never wants to talk about my parents. He's really bitter and angry inside. John treats Jeremy and I like the burdens we try so hard not to be. My brother is a mess thanks to John. Jeremy drinks and smokes all the time after witnessing John being an alcoholic the past six years. I hoped this move would be a fresh start for them and maybe some change. Aunt Jenna lived pretty close to us with her fiancé Alaric so it comforted me to have her nearby just in case.

"Elena?" I heard my brother calling as he started unpacking the dishes.

I looked over at him as he held a pile of forks. "What?" I closed my dairy and stood up watching him put away the forks.

Jeremy raised his eyebrows. "Goofing off instead of helping out?" He tossed me a roll of paper towels to put away. "Very unlike you." He added, wondering if I was okay.

I unwrapped the roll and hung it. "I'm sorry, it's just an adjustment being back here." I looked around the kitchen we spent so many family dinners in. "In this town, in this house." I sighed.

Jeremy put his arms around me. "It's going to be fine Elena." He said softly trying to give me comfort. "We're home."

My brother was right. This was a good thing. I helped him unpack the kitchen. It was nice seeing my brother sober and not drunk or high all the time. Uncle John on the other hand was such a functional alcoholic, which meant he could down a twelve pack and still charm his way out of anything. He stuck us to unpack the entire house while he was out bar hopping. He use to be on the town council when we were young but he got fired for sleeping with the Mayor's wife. When he took us in he quit his bartender job and lived off of money left to us by our parents for awhile. Then he decided to get a job as a cop a few years ago and he kept it to much surprise. Jeremy and I was shocked no one noticed him coming to work drunk all the time. He decided to move back to Mystic Falls after he got offered a job down there. Which was lucky since his partner was getting suspicious of him.

A knock came from the front door and startled me. I went to answer it but was blocked by Jeremy. "What the hell Jere?" I said annoyed at my brother.

He looked at me confused. "It's for me okay?" Jeremy went to open the door but stopped and looked at me.

"Alright then." I raised my eyebrow and folded my arms.

"Can you scram?" He asked clearly wanting me out of his space.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." I went upstairs as I hear the door open and Jeremy greeting a brunette haired girl.

I spied on my brother for a few minutes noticing that he was being super friendly with her. I wondered how he managed to find a girl being in town for literally one day. I noticed her slipping him something. Great this fresh start wasn't going to be as fresh as I had hoped it to be. I went into my room and laid on my freshly made bed. I picked up my computer and scrolled on facebook. I looked at Jeremy's friends until I saw her the brunette down in my living room. Vicky Donovan, I knew that name. Her family was very close to ours growing up. She looked so shockingly different now. I guess it was all the partying and drugs. I remembered sharing a crib with her brother Matt. I wondered if he was still sweet as he use to be. I know I can't really except a group of nine year olds to stay the same but I thought a lot about my old friends. I hoped to run into him, Bonnie, and Caroline when school starts, if they all still lived here. I remember being so close to Bonnie and crying on her shoulder til the moment we're pulled apart. It was really hard losing my best friends on top of my parents.

I woke up to screaming in the kitchen, I flew downstairs and saw my uncle John standing there with a broken plate.

"What the hell is this Elena?" He looked into my eyes with such disgust.

"What?" I said confusingly, It wasn't me who dropped the plate.

John grabbed the broom. "You and your stupid fucking brother can't even be left to unpack the dishes right?!" He screamed and tossed it, hitting me with the broom.

I shivered at the screams. "I'm sorry." I picked up the broom, trying not to make eye contact.

"You better be or your fat ass is never eating again." He spit on the ground and grabbed his beers. "Stupid fucking bitch." John added as he was leaving the room.

I sighed and cleaned up the mess. This was an often occurrence. Uncle John tends to treat me worst the Jeremy ever since he was big enough to fight back. I looked at the clock and it was about breakfast time. I begun making eggs and bacon for the guys. Jeremy and I are suppose to alternate days cooking but he's usually too high to care. John blames us both a lot but he usually puts it all on me because I'm a girl. I finished cooking and left the plates on the table for them, before going upstairs to shower and get ready for my first day of school. I ate a small breakfast. I was really insecure about my weight that my uncle never fails to comment on every time he insults me. I looked in the body length mirror hanging on my closet door after my shower and I stared at all of my imperfections and scars. I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. I haven't felt pretty or wanted since the day I lost everything and moved in with John. I feared the idea of walking into my first day of high school and it being hell. I wanted a safe haven. The one I don't have in my own home.

I put on a pair of dark blue jeans and a red silky top, I walked to my closet and pulled out my mom's black leather jacket. I smiled big remembering all the high school pictures of her wearing this jacket. It was mine and I intended never taking it off. I put the jacket on and walked in front of the mirror.

"Wow." Jeremy says as he walked into my doorway. "You look so much like mom." He was overwhelmed as I was.

I looked at my brother. "I can't believe it." I always had many features of my mom but being in her clothes, being older. It felt different.

Jeremy pulled out his phone from his pocket. "Smile!" He said and I posed as he snapped a picture.

I laughed at my brother before grabbing my stuff and meeting him downstairs. I felt a little more myself in my moms clothes.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up abruptly to the sound of heavy rock music blasting in my brother's room, I yawned and glanced over at the clock. I groaned from exhaustion, it was time to get up and get to school. I didn't sleep well last night, I was off worrying about too many things. I dreaded starting my last year of high school. I needed this year to fly by so I can start the rest of my life. Stefan was just starting tenth grade and it meant I only had one year left to keep him out of trouble in school and pull his head out of his ass. He was a really smart kid, smarter than I ever was in school but he gave up caring about it. I knew I could manage myself and my life after many years of working on myself but it's not easy convincing someone else to care. I threw on some black pants and a navy shirt. I ran around grabbing my things so I wouldn't be late. I walked out into the hallway and knocked on my brother's door.

"Stef?" I said opening the door to see my little brother sound asleep. I was blown away by his ability to sleep through anything. I switched off the music and grabbed his arm but nothing was working. I looked over at the nightstand and saw a glass of water. A smirk appeared on my face as I grabbed the glass and poured it on Stefan.

"What the fuck Damon!" He yelled, jumping up and got in my face.

I put my hand up to let him know to back off. "Simmer down Stefan and get ready for school." I demanded, leaving him in the room soaking wet.

"Thanks a lot asshole." Stefan said as I walked out of the room, I heard the door slam.

I went downstairs and looked around to see if there was any sign of my mother. I really wasn't surprised not to heard from her again. She's been in and out of our lives for the last two years. My brother and I are all each other really has left. Which is why I worry so much about Stefan and his bad attitude. I understood it, I once was as miserable as he is now. Our father being in prison has caused the whole family a lot of hurt. All of our relatives have distanced themselves with us because of all that mess he's made. Most of the town refuses to knowledge us. One more year of this and Stefan and I are escaping this town. I wanted to start a new life. I didn't care to be somewhere I wasn't wanted. I know when were away from this town that has been filled with bad memories we can both thrive.

Stefan and I pulled into the school parking lot and he jumped out of the car immediately to meet up with the cheerleaders. It was typical of him but I didn't care as long as he wasn't treating the girls like shit. The town was pretty judgmental when it came to my brother and I but the kids in school didn't care much. I think a lot had to do with the way I acted out when I was younger. I was a a pretty big jackass back then. Anyone that picked on Stefan or I for our father's mistakes, I would fight them. It wasn't the best use of my time but at least we don't have to deal with it anymore.

I got inside and took in my surroundings. The last time I had to have a first day of school. It was wild to me to think about how close I was to dropping out a number of times. I made it this halls crawled with freshmen trying to figure where they were going. I went to my old homeroom teacher's classroom to visit him before class had begun. Mr. Saltzman was my history teacher and I really looked up to him. When I was a freshmen he was one of the influences in my life that shaped me into the man I was today. I owed so much to him and he's been helping me get through to Stefan. I don't think I would have made it through high school without his help and guidance.

"Alaric?" I said as I walked into the empty quiet classroom, unlike the halls.

Alaric stood up and greeted me with a smile. "Damon, good to see you!" He exclaimed, patting me on the back.

"It's really good to see you too Rick. How was your summer?" I asked him and watched his face light up with joy.

Mr. Saltzman pulled out his phone and showed me pictures of him and his girlfriend. "I asked to my girlfriend Jenna to marry me a few weeks ago." He said proudly. "We're getting married soon enough."

I smiled and gave him a high five. "Wow! That's amazing, Congratulations!" I knew he was really happy and he deserved to be.

"Thanks, It's been a really good summer." Alaric bragged about how amazing Jenna was and how I was going to love her. "How have things been with you and Stefan?" His excitement turned to concern quickly.

I sighed. "It's been rough keeping him in line but he's better than I was." I thought about the previous years of destruction.

Alaric chuckled. "That's pretty damn good than." We both knew it would be pretty hard for someone to top my track record.

I cracked a smile. "Yeah I suppose." The bell rang and students started to fill the room. "I better go, I'll see you later in class." I said as he nodded his head and I headed out.

I walked down the hallway to get to my homeroom when I noticed a long brown haired girl with the most beautiful golden brown eyes I have ever seen. She was looking like a lost puppy as she stared at her map. I never noticed her before and in this small town everyone knows everyone. She must be new to town. "Hey, do you need help?" I offered as she looked up at me, hopeful.

She smiled softly. "Uh yeah I'm kinda lost." She pulled her hair out of her face and handed me her piece of paper.

I looked down and saw she was with Mr. Saltzman for homeroom. "It's around the corner, first door on the left." I said as I passed the paper back to her.

Our hands touched for a moment, her skin was really soft. "Thanks for the help." She said as our eyes locked.

The second bell rang and a rush of students who were hanging in the hallway till the last second broke our connection and she went off in the direction I sent her. She was really sweet. I ran along to my classroom and managed to make it before I was marked absent.

I scanned the room for familiar faces and rolled my eyes when I notice my ex, Vicky sitting across the room. Vicky and I dated for five months and then she broke my heart by sleeping with my younger brother. It was cruel and sickening for someone to go that low. It hurt that my brother could do that to me but I forgave him. I wasn't going to let her come between my only family. Vicky was always selfish and entitled. I thought she loved me to find out she slept with half the football team while we were still together. I've avoided her ever since. She loves to act like it was my fault the relationship fell apart.

I hoped Stefan was making out okay and not getting himself suspended on the first day like he did last year.


	3. Chapter 3

I walked into my homeroom and smiled seeing my soon to be uncle Alaric, greeted me with a smile. I sat quietly, staring at my book. I thought about the boy I had just met a few minutes ago. He was really nice to me and so handsome. I hadn't had a nice interaction with anyone in school before. I had experienced a lot of catty girls in the previous years of school. All the boys were jerks and it was nice to see that it might be different here. Alaric took roll call and as he said my name, a blonde haired girl darted her eyes towards me. I knew her face it was Caroline Forbes, one of my best friends growing up. I smiled at her and she just looked at me before turning her head.

When homeroom ended I sped up to catch up with Caroline. I stopped her in the hallway. "Caroline?" I said trying to get her attention as we continued walking.

She stopped in her tracks and looked me up and down. "Yes?" She said while folding her arms, her tone was snotty and I was taken aback.

I awkwardly played with my fingers. "I know you probably don't remember me but we used to be friends when I lived here." I said trying to jog her memory hoping she had just forgotten.

Caroline shook her head. "And I'm supposed to care about that for what reason?" She said with no care, just a mean girl eye roll.

My face was written in shock. "Okay, sorry that I bothered you." I turned around quickly and got out of there.

I didn't expect her to welcome me into being best friends or anything but that was cruel. I didn't remember the people here being so bitchy. I guessed that maybe I wasn't supposed to make new friends. That cute blue eyed boy was probably just a fluke. It was awful being so alone in this world. I have Jeremy and I know he cares for me but he's never reliable. I craved the idea of being more to someone, to anyone.

I carried on throughout the day. I noticed plenty of faces I recognized but I didn't approach them in fear of what happened with Caroline. I wasn't going to make that mistake again to no surprise no one recognized me. I began to realize I was doomed to being a loner for the rest of the year. When it came to be lunch time I ducked out of the cafeteria and went into one of the bathrooms. I rolled up my sleeves and reached for a razor out of my bag. I heard someone come into the bathroom and I quickly pretended like I was washing my hands.

She glanced over at me while she was drying her hands and she did a double take. "Elena?!" I looked over at her. "Elena Gilbert?" She asked to make sure she wasn't seeing things.

My eyes widen. "Bonnie!" I smiled really big, seeing my best friend after six years and her actually giving a fuck made me feel a whole lot better.

Bonnie embraced me in a warm hug. "What are you doing back here?" She asked me as we pulled away.

"My uncle got a job offer and we had to make the move back here." I explained how he was still the same jerk he was before. I left out the part of how worst he's become.

She smiled. "Wow, it's so good to see you Elena!" She went on.

I laughed. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you." I was thrilled to be reunited.

"Is it hard being back here?" Bonnie asked trying to tiptoe around the subject of my parents.

I nodded. "It's not easy but it's nice being reminded of my parents." I paused thinking about how much I missed them. "I'm sorry I never contacted you after we moved. There's been so much going on and I didn't know how to be a good friend." I apologized, knowing how easy it would have been to find her number over the years.

"No. Elena I completely understand, I could've done the same but I didn't want to remind you of the life you left behind." Bonnie explained that her intentions weren't to hurt me.

Bonnie caught me up on a lot about her life that I've missed. It was good to hear she was doing so good. She lived with her grandmother most of the time who I adored as kids. She always was so sweet and loving to Bonnie's friends. I was glad to hear she was still the same old grams. The bell rang after awhile but Bonnie promised to hangout this weekend and catch up even more. I felt a million times better about everything.

I left my final class of the day and walked outside the school waiting to see my brother, who was probably off doing who knows what. I noticed a boy standing behind me, watching me. I turned around and raised my eyebrow wondering what his deal was. "Can I help you?" I asked bluntly.

He was taken back a little but he adjusted to my bluntness. "No. Sorry I just never seen you before and I was curious, you know small town." He walked closer and extended his hand. "I'm Stefan." He hung his hand out for me to shake.

I reluctantly shook his hand. "Well I'm Elena and yes I'm new but I use to live here a long time ago." I informed him.

Stefan smirked. "So Elena, would you like to do something this weekend?" He asked me so suddenly with so much confidence that I didn't have an ounce of.

My face went blank. I never had been asked out before and he was attractive but I wasn't sure I was ready for all of that and I didn't even know this boy. "I'm sorry but I just don't know you that well." I said hoping to let him down easily.

His expression changed from confident to surprised. "That's what dates are for Elena. We can get to know each other then." He persisted.

I felt really uncomfortable. "I'm sorry but I don't think so." I tried to turn around but he walked in front of me.

He stared at my lips. "Come on don't be like that." Stefan shamed me for not being interested. Clearly he's never heard the word no before.

I backed up a little. "I said no." I clarified once more.

Stefan got pretty mad so I went to leave then he put his arm around my waist. "Hey! I'm not done talking to you."

I got really scared as he touched me. It makes me so uncomfortable and it still startled me. "Hey! Stefan! Leave her the hell alone." I heard come from behind me.

He let go and glared at me. "Whatever." He mumbled to the voice behind me before walking away to cool down.

I turned around and saw the blue eyed boy from this morning. "I'm so sorry for my brother's actions." He apologized.

I nodded my head. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault." I said trying to calm down.

"I know but he's been through a lot and I'm trying to straighten him out, teach him not to be an asshole." The blue eyed boy explained which I got completely with all the family drama I've suffered through.

"I understand I have a brother too, he's a mess but a work in progress." I laughed a little.

He smiled at me. "Well I hope our brother's get their shit together." We laughed and it felt nice.

"I'm Elena." I said softly.

"It's nice to meet you Elena, I'm Damon." I smiled at him.

Damon's POV

I walked into the house after Stefan slammed the door behind me. He had his headphones on the entire drive home. I was so pissed with the way he treated Elena. It worried me. I didn't want my brother turning into someone that can treat a woman with so little respect. I walked inside and ran up the stairs going after Stefan.

"We aren't done here." I shouted at my little brother who was standing in his doorway with his arms folded.

"What's the point Damon?" Stefan asked. "You don't need to look out for me. I'm not your puppet, I'll do what I want." He continued to push me.

I shook my head. "Look kid, I've been where you have been and you know that. I'm not going to let you ruin your life over what life has dealt us." I tried to reason with him.

Stefan laughed me off. "I'm not you and I'm not acting out because dad's a sick freak and mom's a whore." He wasn't being honest with himself and I knew that.

I sighed. "If you keep doing dumb stuff Stef, people are going to catch on that it's pretty much just us." I explained, hoping Stefan would understand I only wanted to protect him.

"I know that Damon. I'm trying okay? But I don't need you breathing down my neck." He threw his hands up in frustration.

"I know you are and I'm proud of that but know my intentions are out of wanting to keep the only person I have left out of trouble." I pulled my little brother into a hug.

He pulled away after a quick second. "I'll try hard but please just give me some space." Stefan begged.

I nodded my head. "Okay fine. I'll give you some space but I don't want to see another repeat of today or else I'm going to not let you out of my sight." I agreed.

"Fair enough." My brother went off into his room.

This was all really hard on me being strong for Stefan. We had this big mansion all to ourselves but we both felt incredibly lonely. Our father made sure we were all taken care of but he left such a mess in our lives that money can't buy. Mother took her share and got the hell out of here. I missed having a loving family often, until I remember how much of it was just an illusion.


End file.
